Much Ado About Nothing - By Jack Melichar

Well, boys and girls, we are approaching the end of an era – The Nightmare Years (oh, I mis wrote. That’s a description of Nazi Germany!) What I meant to write was the Bush Administration (which I suppose could be labeled “The Bad Dream Years”). Over the last eight years, I have spent a great deal of time disparaging our Chief Executive, at times even referring to his mother’s species and the legitimacy (or lack thereof) of his birth. It is now time for my mea culpas.

I inadvertently overlooked the fact that Mr. Bush has a mind like a steel trap, albeit one someone forgot to set. I also failed to appreciate the fact that he has taught the American people to think – to question. Who could listen to his pithy comments without thinking “What the h**l was that all about”? I regret that shrub didn’t rank up there with FDR or Winston Churchill in oratory, but he did give Jacques Clouseau a run for his money. What the hey, we’ll take what we can get. I apologize to one and all for my shortcomings. As a final tribute to the man who represents the very best thinking of the Republican party, I dedicate this column. Each of the quotes that follow are verbatim. Even my twisted mind could not make them up.

“There's a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, "I don't want you to let me down again.”

“It's a myth to think I don't know what's going on. It's a myth to think that I'm not aware that there's opinions that don't agree with mine, because I'm fully aware of that.

“As you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's -- ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions -- you can't -- we're out of sanctions.

“My job is a job to make decisions. I'm a decision--if the job description were, what do you do--it's decision maker.

“And so, in my State of the – my State of the Union – or state my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation --I asked Americans to give 4,000 years – 4,000 hours over the next – the rest of your life – of service to America.

“I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense.”

Ranks right up there with “You’re doin’ a heck of a job Brownie”.

“Will the highways on the Internet become more few?

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

“The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke against that. I spoke out against interracial dating. I support the policy of interracial dating.

“My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire.

“It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.”

Only a few more days, but by the gods, I am going to miss that man!