Thursday, November 27, 2008

Much Ado About Nothing - By Jack Melichar

It’s that time of year again, boys and girls, THE HOLIDAY SEASON! Thanksgiving, Christmas and finally the New Year celebrations, the latter generally devoted to drunkenness and debauchery. Those of you who know me are probably assuming that my favorite is New Year’s Eve. Wrong! I try to stay home that night and leave it free for the amateurs. Actually, my favorite is Thanksgiving. After all, aside from cooking, there isn’t much work involved. You have no need to battle the blue hairs in the malls to purchase gaudy neckties or dirty joke books. All you need do is stuff yourself until your skin feels like it might split, and then repair to the couch to watch football, if you are into that sport. I prefer to go to the couch and nap.

Now, I know that the cynics out there are wondering what we have to be thankful for. The economy is in the toilet, we find the banks and financial institutions are being managed by people whose larcenous ways would make a mafia don blush, we are involved in two wars – one we never should have been in – the automobile companies are being run by total idiots (how else can you explain their use of private jets and limousines to carry their sorry a**es to Washington so they could beg for money).

But there are some positives. When this Thanksgiving day is behind us, we will have only 55 more days to endure the antics of that south end of a horse going north who occupies the White House. After he returns to his ranch, the only thing he will need to decide is which bush he should cut down (hopefully he will pick the correct one) or should he change his socks. Stuff that he can handle. I hasten to add, however, he can do a lot more damage in 55 days. Hold on, Canada, you’re not out of the woods yet!

And finally, we will have, once again, a president who can speak in complete sentences. At first, it will be disconcerting to find we have a president who speaks English as if it were his first language. Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement. If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist. The public may find itself saying “OK subject, predicate, subject predicate – we get it, stop showing off.” He has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska. "Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said.

To really appreciate your turkey, go to Youtube and check out the video of Palin pardoning a turkey. It’s rather sick but very funny. Enjoy your holiday, and remember to nap.

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